Men, Escape Guilt Trap: Break Free Now!

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The On-Target Institute presents a teaching from the Men On-Target Small Group curriculum. Now with today's session, On-Target Founder Vince Dacchioli. How are you doing? Hello, man, and welcome to session 12 of On-Target Institute. In our last session, we dealt with, we've been dealing with fear, anger.

In our last session, unforgiveness. In this session, we're going to be dealing with guilt. The fourth area that we need to drill down on in order to really let go of our past. And we'll also be concluding this session by putting a ribbon on all of this later. But let's talk a little bit about this area of guilt.

I am really convinced that not dealing effectively with fear and anger and unforgiveness in the first place is oftentimes what leads to this sense of guilt. Now, before we go any further, I want to say this to you. It's very important that you go to otm.co if you really want to take advantage of these sessions because all of the handout materials are there. There are a lot of prayers. There are a lot of Bible verses that you can memorize that deal with these four areas.

I really want to encourage you to go there. Having said that, let's now go a little bit further with this whole idea of guilt. What is guilt? Guilt happens as a result of maybe I've got an alcoholic problem, a sexual problem, some bad language. I'm tempted to steal from time to time.

I attempt to compromise at work. It's a major, major problem. And it leads to a vicious cycle. We enter into behavior that's not becoming. We end up feeling guilty about that behavior and we need to have release from it.

So release can come in one of two forms. I can go to the world for release. What's the world? That's drugs and sex and alcohol, or I can go to God. When I go to the world, I might get some temporary relief, but how many of you have discovered the law of diminishing return?

The law of diminishing return says that in and of itself, those things are never going to satisfy. So we feel guilty. And then oftentimes that leads to what I call condemnation. You know, the Bible says in 1 Peter 5.8, it says, Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

And that's really true. Condemnation comes from the pit, comes from the enemy. Conviction, on the other hand, comes from the Holy Spirit. Listen, guys, here's the difference. Condemnation and conviction are very different.

Condemnation is the devil saying to you, Look at you, you're nothing. You're nobody. I see what you do. I know how you're thinking about that woman at work. I saw how you stole that item from work.

How could God ever use anybody like you? You're nothing. You're a zero. That's condemnation. Conviction is the Holy Spirit saying, You know what?

I love you so much. If you could only see you through my eyes, you would never be the same. Hey, listen, I know about all that stuff you're into. It's not healthy. It's not good for you.

Why don't you turn, come the other way? I've got a much better life for you. Jack Hayford has a great quote. He says, Condemnation will never take root if conviction is responded to with confession. You know, years ago, my wife and I were driving to church to teach the marriage class.

And this was probably never happened to you. But on the way to church to teach the marriage class, we're in the car and we get in this huge fight. And while we're in that fight, I am yelling and screaming and the kids in the back seat are crying and everybody's pig-faced. It was ugly. We get to church and I'm supposed to teach the marriage class, okay?

So we get to church and I'm walking up and down in front of the marriage class and I'm thinking to myself, Oh man, how am I going to do this? You know, the enemy is just condemning me. He's all over me. He's saying, you know, Vince, how could you do this? And I just know my wife is over there agreeing with him, by the way.

You know, so anyway, I'm walking back and forth and this guy comes running up. He's the worship leader. And he says, Vince, you need to pray for me. I said, pray for you. Why?

He says, because on the way to church this morning, my wife and I were in the car. We got in this huge fight. Same thing. And I don't think I can lead worship. So I said, you need prayer?

He says, yes. I said, I suggest you get as far away from me as you possibly can. Now, that may seem funny, but the last thing you want to do when you're under condemnation is to pray for somebody. Well, he persisted. He pressed in, took me into the back room.

We talked about it. We prayed. We felt completely released. We went out, got our wives, went into two different corners of the room. And the first thing we did was we apologized, which by the way, I highly recommend.

It doesn't make any difference whether you're right or wrong. Just apologize. Anyway, we apologized and everything was okay and we were able to move on. You know, in 1 John 1 9, it says, if, and there's the operative word, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from how much unrighteousness? All unrighteousness.

And Romans 8 1 and 2, therefore there is now how much condemnation? No condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus, the law of the spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Now, let me summarize this whole area of fear, anger and unforgiveness and guilt by drawing your attention to my hero. It's the Apostle Paul. The Apostle Paul, and we all know the verses that the Philippians 3 13 and 14 where he talks about, you know, forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.

The Apostle Paul, if you could say if there's anyone in the Bible that had a right to allow his past to influence his future, it would have been this man. He's the same man that was called Saul. We all know what he did when he was Saul. Yet this is the same man who wrote those words from that prison cell for getting what is behind. I strain toward what is ahead and I press on.

Here's how this works, guys. Imagine if everywhere you went in life, you were hamstrung by having to carry this physical weight with you everywhere you went. I'm sure you realize I wouldn't be able to jump as high, run as far or do the things that I would normally be able to do. But, you know, I want you to look at this. Some people can carry the weight in interesting ways.

I can carry the weight on my shoulder like this and people would look and use it. It's pretty obvious that guy has something wrong. Something wrong going on with that guy. Other people, we find a way to carry the baggage or the weight in a backpack and minimize its impact. It's just kind of hidden and people don't see it as much, but ultimately it comes out.

And I can carry this weight or this baggage from my past and all of a sudden God's calling me to step up to the plate and to be kind to my wife and I don't know if I can do it. I'm mad because of something she said or something she didn't say. Or God may be calling you to deal with that person at church and love on them and I don't think I can do it because of what they said about me. And we carry the weight and carry the weight. You know, it's going to hamstring you.

In the Bible says, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains a single seed. Okay? The idea, guys, is to, listen, let it go. And if you think that makes a loud noise, I want to tell you something. The noise in heaven of the angels around the throne of God looking at that, it is unbelievable.

In the sport of bodybuilding, there's something called a bench press and you all know what that looks like. There's a guy pressing weight, laying down on a bench and behind the bench presser there's typically a man called a spotter. A spotter's job is when you're done pressing the weight, he lifts the weight up, puts it back on the rack. Listen, guys, a certain amount of weight combined with a certain number of repetitions is good to build a body physically. In the same way, a certain amount of trial and struggle and baggage we carry around, God uses it for our good.

He builds our character. But there comes a time in life when that weight, just like the bodybuilder, becomes crushing. And you can try to gut it through one more time or, listen, you can give it to the big spotter. The idea, guys, is God's our big spotter. He's the one.

In Hebrews 12, 1, and 2, and the New King James, it says, Therefore, we also, since we are surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance, the race to the set before us, looking on to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Jesus says, No one who puts his hand to the plow, in other words, goes to work and looks back, focuses on the past, is fit for service in the kingdom of God. Now, five practical ways to let go. Let's go through them quickly. Number one, resist denial.

Quit looking for affirmation or quick fixes, guys. They don't work. Resist denial. Then I acknowledge my sin to you and did not cover up my inequity. I said, I will confess my transgression to the Lord and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

In Romans, it says, For all have sinned, all, and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Number two, focus on the promise. What's the promise? Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a what? A new creation.

You've never heard a butterfly referred to as a converted worm and neither are you. You're a new creation. What's the next four words say? The old has gone. Guys, you've got to believe this.

The new has come. James, consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. I read these verses and I say, yeah, right. It doesn't say consider it pure joy when you've been through the trial and can look back and see what it produced. It says in the midst of it.

Let me encourage you, consider it pure joy in the midst of it. Persevere. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. Number three, repent, which is our physical response. It's turning the other way.

It's not dragging the weights behind us and letting God watch us drag all these weights through life. It's letting them go, turning around a 180, not a 360, going back to God and giving it to him, the big spotter. Yet now, it says in St. Corinthians, I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. Godly sorrow, it says in Corinthians 7, 9, and 10.

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. And then four, pray and release our spiritual response. Go before God and let it go. And second chronicles, if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then there's that transitional word again. If you do the former, the latter is for you, then will I hear from heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land.

Remember, you cannot train a demon, nor can you cast out the flesh. We talked about that. And then finally, number five, seek accountable relationships. And guys, that's what this is all about at On Target Institute. It's iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Okay? Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens. And in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.

And then in Galatians six, one and two, but watch yourself or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens. Just repeating that. And in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ. Now, let me close with some promises from God.

Jeremiah standing on a hill overlooking the rubble of a destroyed city. Some of you men may be standing on the hill right now looking over your past life and it looks like rubble to you. These words are just as much for you today as they were when Jeremiah wrote them many years ago. He says this in Lamentations three, 22 and 23, because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed for his compassion's never fail. They are new.

How often? Every morning. Great is your faithfulness. And Isaiah 43, 18 and 19 says, forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. And we all have desert places and wasteland places in our life.

Let me close with this illustration. The story of a farmer one day who had to put a mule to sleep. The mule was getting very old and sickly. He decided instead of having him brought to town and destroyed in the normal way that he was just going to dump him down an old abandoned well shaft that he had in the back of his property. And he would dump him down the well shaft and surely the fall would kill the mule.

But the farmer didn't know is that the mule did not die. The mule just stood to his feet. He had no place to go. They just stood there. So over time, the farmer kept bringing debris from the property and dumping it.

And he thought he'd filled this old well shaft in and just kind of bury the mule down there. He started pouring dirt down the well shaft and the mule didn't know what to do. He had all this dirt falling on him. So he just stood there and he just started shaking his shoulders. He would shake off the dirt and then he would step on top of it.

And so day after day, this would keep happening and the farmer would bring more and more debris and the mule just kept shaking it off and stepping on top of it. Finally, the farmer brought a whole big load of dirt and debris and threw it down there and thought he'd surely covered the whole mule and all the bottom of that well shaft. But that mule, it was right up to his neck. He didn't know what to do. But he just started moving his shoulders and finally his feet started to move.

His hooves started to move. He just kept shaking and stepping and shaking and stepping and shaking and stepping until finally he built himself up so high that he literally walked out of the well shaft, went into the pasture and began to eat the fruit. The moral of the story, don't let the dirt from your yesterdays bury your tomorrows. Guys, we gotta move on. We gotta let go of this stuff.

Okay? Psalm 42 and 3, he lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, the hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

Now, as we close in keeping with our promise, let's talk about life implication and life application. Life implication, if I'm focused on my past, I will never discover God's unique plan for my life. It just won't happen, guys. Your discussion questions, here we go. In which of the five areas of letting go do I have the most struggle?

And here they are. We'll keep them up on the screen for you to discuss. Resisting denial, focusing on the promise. Do I struggle with committing to repent? How about praying and releasing?

Or how am I doing in the area of accountable relationships? And I want to encourage you to enter into this discussion time and may God richly bless you. And until next time, don't forget about it.