Starting without Support
You don’t need a title to start discipling men. You need another man and a phone.
You see the need. You may even see exactly what it would look like: a table, a curriculum, real conversations. What you don’t have yet is your pastor standing behind it. That’s a real gap, but it’s not a reason to sit still. You may need permission for a program, but discipleship starts with you… and you can begin that part today.
Endorsement genuinely matters.
A healthy culture of discipleship is created by two things above all others: senior leadership vision or endorsement, and a clearly articulated plan. Roughly two-thirds of exemplar churches point to these two factors as critical.
The research around men’s ministry is real. It’s the strongest reason a pastor should champion this, and it’s also the reason that a full On Target Institute ministry needs to wait for his approval. Launching an unendorsed program in his church trades what matters most for progress to happen.
This page isn’t a plan for building a full On Target Institute program. It’s a plan for the faithful, patient work you can start today… work that will make getting a YES more likely.
Start small – on purpose.
Disciple two or three men. That’s not a placeholder. That’s the whole model, scaled down.
- Ask two or three men you already know if they’ll meet regularly to talk about real life and real faith.
- Keep it personal, not institutional: a coffee, a driveway, a weekly call.
- Make the calls a habit, not just the meetings. A short, no-agenda check-in during the week is where men actually start to trust each other.
- Model transparency yourself first. Men will only go as deep as you’re willing to go.
- Keep growing yourself. Take a class, find a mentor, use the OTI leader training materials… be ready for more at the moment the door opens wider.
We teach what we know, but we reproduce who we are. Right now, the most strategic thing you can do for a future men’s ministry is become the kind of man other men would follow.
Let your pastor see fruit before you hand him a proposal.
Pastors are far more likely to say yes to something that’s already working. While you disciple those two or three men, keep track of what actually changes: a marriage that steadies, a man who starts showing up differently, a hard conversation that finally happens. You’re not collecting these to win an argument. Collect them because they’re true, and because true stories are the most persuasive thing you’ll ever bring into his office.
Keep serving faithfully wherever you already serve in the church. Trust with a pastor is rarely won in a single meeting. It’s won in the months before it, in whether you’re a man he already knows he can count on.
When you’re ready to ask, ask for only one thing: his endorsement.
- Request fifteen minutes on his calendar for a real, scheduled conversation — not a hallway ask.
- Lead with vision, not workload. He’s not being asked to build or run anything; that part is already in progress.
- Show him what’s already happening: the two or three men, the fruit you’ve seen… briefly and specifically.
- Be ready to hand him the case in writing so he doesn’t have to take your word alone for the research behind it.
- Ask for the smallest yes that unlocks everything else: his public endorsement and his blessing to identify a few more men — not a slot on the budget, not his presence at a new Tuesday night meeting.
If he says not yet, that’s not no – and it’s still not your cue to go around him.
Pastors carry a hundred things you can’t see from where you’re standing. Not yet often means exactly that: not yet, not no forever. Receive it without resentment. Keep discipling the men you already have and revisit the conversation later. A ministry that eventually carries his real endorsement is worth far more than one that started without it.
The men in your church need this.
Roughly 1 in 4 children in the U.S. grow up without a father in the home — the highest rate of any nation on earth. A 40-year Oxford study of over 3,000 adults found that a warm, close relationship with a father was the single strongest predictor of whether that child practiced faith as an adult.1
Every man you sit across from right now goes home to a family that’s shaped by whether he’s actually growing. That’s true with or without a program behind it. The wait for institutional support is real, but it isn’t wasted time; it’s the same work the eventual ministry will be built on.
Start with two or three men.
You don’t need your pastor’s yes to disciple the men already in front of you, and you don’t need a finished proposal to eventually ask for his endorsement. You need one honest conversation with a couple of men this week, and a little patience before the next honest conversation with your pastor.
Questions? Chat with Vince.
1: Oxford University Press study, cited in His Call, Your Response, Ch. 6