The Differences Between Men and Women-1

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Would you welcome my wonderful wife Cindy? Could you stand and just say hello to the people? Anyway, when we first started thinking about doing couples events, I went to my wife and I said, honey, you know, we ought to do some couples events. She says, that's a great idea, but she says, you ought to learn more about women first. I said, well, honey, we've been married for a long time and I know you and you're a woman.

I won't tell you what she said after that. I decided that maybe I ought to know more about women. I went out and I started to do some research and I have discovered, I don't know if you guys have discovered this, do you know that there's a difference between men and women? Have you noticed that? Guys know that, right?

Guys, help me out here. There's a difference. You're a bunch of wimps when you're with your wives. Anyway, I don't know if you know this, but I did some research and this is actually true. When little babies are born, their brains are essentially the same, male and female, but at about the six month mark, there's a chemical that is released in the male brain that has the effect of deteriorating the connecting fibers between the right and left hemisphere of a man's brain.

The result of that, we don't know why this happens, men tend to think with one side of their brain at a time where you ladies, your thought processes kind of flow. You're in touch with both sides of your brain. Let me give it this way, a man can walk into a room and experience that room and experience that room, this is the most handsome speaker I have ever signed for in my entire life. Anyway, I've always wanted to do that. Anyway, so he can experience that room and then a man can leave that room, shut the door and go into an entirely different room and experience that room totally independent of the room that we were just in and we can compartmentalize.

So sometimes like my wife will say to me something like this, how does that make you feel? You know, I might need a couple of days to think about it. I mean, we're just not in touch with our fifth. Think of it this way, you ladies have this incredibly thick network of wires and conduits and transistors and cables and all this electronics going between both sides of your brain and for us guys, it's like two paper cups and a string. We don't know.

I was in San Diego one time and I was staying at this friend's house and he put me up and we saved a lot of money, didn't have to go to the hotel and so I got home and Cindy says, maybe we ought to send him a thank you note. I said, that's a great idea, let's send him a thank you note. She said, well, you know, maybe we ought to send him a gift because they were so gracious, let's send him a gift. I said, great, let's send him a gift. She says, well, what are their colors?

I said, honey, I think they're both white. No, no, not that color. I mean, what color is the carpet? I mean, how many of you guys look at carpet? It's all beige to us, we don't understand anything.

Anyway, I have actually, what I've done is I have found the most perfect definition that explains the differences between men and women and by the way, I know this is true, you know why? I got it off the internet. Are you ready? You got to help me out here. Are you ready?

What is a cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone.

They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and they cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion, they are tiny women in little fur coats.

Now, you see, the guys never laugh at this. They're with their wives going, yeah, I don't know who this guy is, honey. I mean, I don't know. Ladies, are you ready? Are you ready?

We're not done. What is a dog? Dogs lie around all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food being opened half a block away but can't hear you when then you're in the same room with them. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time.

They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere.

Conclusion, you got it. They are tiny men in little fur coats. And a little teaser of the incredible wisdom you'll get when you go to the couples event.